have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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