You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am naked and annoyed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
