I cockslap morals
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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