i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The dick lei will go down in squad history
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
