Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
