Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
