The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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