He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
