why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
