i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
