So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
