I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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