Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so let's talk penis.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
