Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize