Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
