I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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