There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
