Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
