I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
