marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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