This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
