So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
