wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
