We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
