Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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