I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
