Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
