is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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