If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
