There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
