There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
