I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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