That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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