I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
