Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
