she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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