Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
