Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
