yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
