First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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