He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
