I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
