Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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