i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize