So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
