I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found your dick twin last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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