I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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