exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
