Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
