Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
