Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
