I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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