Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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