I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
