thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
