i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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