its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
