so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I skipped work to stalk him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
