I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
