If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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