Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
this hospital has no fireball
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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