her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
